How to get a girlfriend:
- Go up to her and say, “Before I met you, the sun was like a yellow grape, but now it looks like fire in the sky. Why? Because you light a fire inside me.”
- Nickname her “Dandelion”
- Tell her you’d throw your pie for her, and then proceed to do so, in a violent manner, toward a fellow near said conquest.
and whatever you do, DO NOT piss on the floor of her shared bunk while she sleeps
11:49 pm • 9 July 2014 • 93,596 notes
cute things to call your girlfriend:
6. 1 tbs of butter
7. stir thoroughly
8. pour into baking pan
9. we forgot to preheat the oven to 375
why would we have to preheat her if she’s already hot
you smooth fucker
7:12 pm • 27 June 2014 • 527,029 notes
when your parents try to make a joke in front of your friends more than once
(Source: vensu, via asian)
8:25 am • 26 June 2014 • 139,860 notes
killed the whole game tbh
No need to hold a Throwback Thursday contest, she already won.
(Source: pinklotusflowers, via asian)
12:44 pm • 25 June 2014 • 173,755 notes
I just got back from my morning workout. (I make that sound like I workout regularly. I don’t.) I go to grab a glass of water and sitting there is a box of donuts.
What did I choose? Water. Gold star for me! Huh, huh? Yeah.
11:26 am • 23 June 2014